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Lampoon Battles Globetrotters in Hoops

4.2.12

The Globetrotters warming up before the game.

The Globetrotters warming up before the game.

Photograph by Harvard Magazine/LL

The Lampoon squad prepares to get the rebound.

The Lampoon squad prepares to get the rebound.

Photograph by Harvard Magazine/LL

Both teams posing together outside of Lampoon Castle.

Both teams posing together outside of Lampoon Castle.

Photograph by Harvard Magazine/LL

A female Lampoon member wearing a gold sequined dress passes the ball to a teammate.

A female Lampoon member wearing a gold sequined dress passes the ball to a teammate.

Photograph by Harvard Magazine/LL

Clad in their team colors of purple and gold and sporting everything from jester hats and mascot-style chicken heads to short gold sequin dresses and heels, the Harvard Lampoon took to the streets of Harvard Square today to face the world-famous Harlem Globetrotters in a half-hour game of basketball in front of the Lampoon Castle. The Globetrotters began the game by pulling a metal detector on the referee (to make sure he was “safe” for the audience), and then proceeded to dominate on both ends of the court; at one point their shortest player, just under five feet, got on the shoulders of their tallest player, over seven feet tall, and did a piggyback-style dunk. The Globetrotters also showcased their passing skills, turning a run-of-the-mill bounce pass into an alley-oop that left the crowd in awe. The undergraduate humor publication put up a good fight, but they were no match for the size and skill of their more experienced counterparts. (The final score was not announced.) 

Not to be outdone by Globetrotter’s lampooning, Lampoon president Owen Bates ’12 offered his own entertaining quips before tip-off:  

Harvard Magazine: What’s the height of your starting line-up (and who are they)? 

Lampoon: The height of our starting line-up is about 6 feet, total. I have no idea who they are or what a starting line-up is.

HM: Have you been practicing really hard? Double sessions?  

Lampoon: Not me personally, but the rest of the team hasn't been either.

HM: How do you plan to defend against the hidden-ball trick?  

Lampoon: The hidden-net trick.

HM: Have you studied game tapes from the Washington Generals to learn the Globetrotters’ weaknesses?  

Lampoon: We've compiled scores of tapes spanning many years, but none of us has a VCR so they're basically useless.

HM: What's your secret weapon?  

Lampoon: You know how everyone is crazy over Knicks point-guard Jeremy Lin? Let's just say we were "unable to afford his appearance fee." We did get Jerry Melynn, though.

HM: Overall game plan?  

Lampoon: Go out there and then come back from out there.

HM: Winner prediction? 

Lampoon: At the end of the day I think the audience is going to be the real winner, beating the Globetrotters 73-68.